Yeah it's contagious out. As a good Pagan I pick and choose, and alter my thinking and borrow from all over to help with my spiritual development. Anything from First People's ideas to Celtic Spirituality to the Catholic Lite (Tastes Great, Less Guilt?) that My Beloved practices. So today is Ash Wednesday and as I am working on things and contemplating my belly button, as I often do, it occurred to me that as My Beloved is giving up a bad habit for Lent perhaps I could look to my own spiritual house and see if I could find something just as important to do. See this is one thing that we each appreciate about our relationship, Gobs of opportunities for Spiritual Growth and an attitude of "this amazing person I found deserves my very best effort." So I did a reading and just asked it about house hunting, and my business in the next 6 months. Really I have no stress or real doubts (more on that later) about mine or My Beloved's commitment one to the other, or how we have, can, and will continue to grow and work together.
So what to give up for Lent, at his church they are walking a Labyrinth today, an outward symbol of the inward journey. So as I said I consulted the cards and found something. The cards recommended that I let go of something, that I may have to let go of something near and dear to me in order to succeed at the things I'm trying to do. OMFG! Panic Attack City! I CAN'T let go of Tim?!?!? nor Weiland!?!?!? or or or a whole avalanche of things came to mind.
Then a little voice said, "That, let go of that."
I respond with, "But I don't treasure THAT! or do I?"
Fear. . .on lots of different levels. How many times have I explained that I CAN'T not react when things are crazy, when I don't know where the next step is when I feel myself falling into the future and don't see the path, that's instinct to tense to catch yourself!"
Only if you do not fully trust.
I've been working on this for a while. I must say that one thing My Beloved has gifted me with is a return of my Faith. There was a pretty long patch of my path where I felt ineffectual to change things, when my cards told me everything was fine and was going to be great and I did not believe them because what was in front of my eyes at the moment was huge, and scary, and unhappy. But it was there to show me things, teach me lessons and get me prepared for this time in my life. He's helped me step back and see the bigger picture, the longer view, the fact that despite hardships and yes I've had real ones, I have been blessed beyond measure. Never have the Gods abandoned me, Never have they left me hanging always they have answered my call and provided for my true needs.
I have asked and they have delivered beyond my wildest dreams in some areas of my life. Others, they have eased the path. I am provided the things I need with little effort on my part. However, I always have niggling fears, "Am I good enough, am I capable of this thing, does he really love me, will it last, worry worry worry, can I get all this done? fret fret fret." Lots and lots of self-doubt and fear of the what ifs and worry.
My stress ties me in knots, it harms my health and makes me miserable when I should be joyous. Fear also draws Misfortune, I don't need any of that thanks anyway. So for Lent I am working on letting go of my Fear Habit.
I've been misquoting a Quote that My Beloved has hanging on his wall, "Faith is not Belief without Proof, it is Trust without Boundaries." The real Quote is "Faith is not Belief without Proof. It is Trust without Reservations." There is a difference. Trust without Reservations means no hesitations, No last minute knee jerk, "But wait, what if?!" It is to fall forward into the future KNOWING in my heart of hearts that the Gods have got my back. I have all the proof in the world, I am here when so many others who have walked my type of path are not. I am alive and in reasonable health when I should honestly be dead. The Universe has been answering my call so fast of late that it almost gives me whiplash. How can I but Trust that. "All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well"
So Mote it Be!
